want to postpone change

listenin to: moulin rouge stuff
workin on: nothin

so it has been a while since i have blogged. and not for lack of wanting to, quite the opposite actually. much has happened lately which has made me want to write about something significant and not just for the sake of it. the main occurence was john's journey to cape town for leukemia treatment. i have never felt so helpless around my friend laura before. but i do know with absolute certainty that he is and will be absolutely well... if not now... then soon. that i know, i feel i do.

the year end is fast approaching. plans are being made, leases signed, stock takes taking place. i am sad, what started off as 6 is now 4 and will soon be 3. sometimes i'm inclined to give into the thought of just sticking it out and keeping the distance. maybe it would make it less sad... i don't really know but i wish i did. if anything is for certain, except for him, it is change. problem is, at the moment i dont want, need or like change much. and ironically so... it has enveloped my days of late. yup yup yup.